I have shopped for three years and three months straight. I am finally finished. I invite you to think about how much shopping that actually amounts to in energy and time.
Admittedly, it was not exactly straight. I did take breaks. There is work and life that have to take place, but the nagging responsibility that I needed to shop was always there. This reality was worse due to the fact that I despise shopping and am quite particular. I shop with intention. Shopping does not happen very well either when you walk into a store and turn and walk right back out because you become overwhelmed by all of the items inside. Internet shopping fared just as poorly at times. I would have 15 windows open on my laptop for half a day and then close each one without buying anything. Let’s just say my cart abandonment rate was fairly high. The issue is that all of the items you lose when you suffer a fire, flood, or another home disaster do not replace themselves. Wall colors don’t pick themselves out, and new socks and underwear don’t end up in a dresser drawer with the wave of a wand. And you have to select that new dresser. I am incredibly grateful we have good insurance. I am acutely aware that for the level of tragedy we suffered, we are incredibly lucky. However, the tragedy of losing your home and belongings flips your entire world on end. Priorities and values shift. The process is long and slow. Healing takes time.
Shopping is now behind me. I am ready to move forward with new experiences other than shopping and turning receipts in to our adjuster. The feeling of relief is weird and wonderful. What was replaced is replaced. What is not replaced is energy I no longer need to expend. I have energy freed up for new opportunities and time to create the life I want to live, for as long as I am granted time on this earth. The fire uncovered a passion for design. I put every project management skill I ever learned to task. I was part of a reconstruction team that was magical, creative, and practiced kindness every day. I now write and share my journey for others who are going through the trauma of their home and life being turned upside down. The process of rebuilding has been one of immense growth. I discovered that I am not just recreating myself, I am uncovering the person who was always there. I just had to wipe the ash away.
Shopping was not shopping for shopping’s sake. Shopping was part of my creating a work of heart. The work of rebuilding a home for the family that is my entire world. Works of heart fascinate me just as corporate cultures fascinate me. We all have works of heart. Works of heart include marriage, parenting, family, art, music, and careers.
What I have observed is that works of heart have certain characteristics:
- We invest our time, energy, blood, sweat, and most importantly, heart into the work
- Works of heart often follow a broken heart. A setback or tragedy cause us to exercise the heart in new ways.
- Works of heart come in all sizes, but the heart is exercised and made stronger.
- We don’t always ask for the work of heart, but it finds us.
- Messiness is part of the territory. Heart triumphs over Logic many times and we only seek Logic when our heart is tired and not quite sure of its path. Imagine our surprise when Logic looks back at us laughing and says, hey, you got us in this mess. Don’t look at me. We are on an uncharted journey where Heart knows the way.
- The level of determination you have is insane. Where does it come from? We want to quit. But we don’t.
- We eat, sleep, and breathe the work and creation at hand. Whether you design a piece of furniture or perfect a new wine from a grape newly come to harvest, play a piece of music with your whole being, raise a child, or cultivate a garden, the creation is yours. The creation consumes you. This is not positive or negative. It just is.
- Works of heart expose our greatest vulnerabilities and insecurities. Often, we don’t know how we are going to get through the journey that lies ahead. Who will encourage us? Who will hold us up?
- Works of heart risk us to great failure after a long time waiting for our labors to come to fruition. What if all the energy I put into a marriage fails? Will my kids turn out okay? Will my artwork sell? Will my business succeed? Will I be recognized for bringing my heart to work or must I guard it and leave it at home? What if the birds eat the grapes before they are harvested? Did I finish purchasing everything on the rebuild list of our home before I draw a line in the sand and call it done, leaving money behind with the insurance company?
- Exhaustion is normal.
- When creating a work of heart, we tend not to care what people think. We are creating from a place down deep where reason does not always exist. We are not easily deterred. Oh, and the critics. Screw the critics.
- Works of heart tend to bring immeasurable joy and satisfaction. Size of accomplishment does not define the level of joy.
Many people talk about following your passion. I have a difficult time with the word passion. However, if you ask me what are my works of heart, I can now start to put my head around the concept. My children, my spouse, my home, true friends, helping my employees and people I care about grow, kindness.
I am grateful for so very much that at times I think my heart will burst. Perhaps that is the definition of joy. And what I was truly humbled by when writing, is the realization that I have been the work of heart of others. How incredible.
If you are rebuilding your home, as hard as it is to believe, the work does come to a close. I wish you patience as you travel the journey. Celebrate each accomplishment. And like me, you will have undiscovered works of heart before you.
Gratefully,
Lisa
Copyright 2019 Lisa Jilbert
wahldunhouse.com 